AVPR Sucks

To the person who threw a banana peel while driving down Mariner today: please go kill yourself.


I don't know how but they managed to make AVPR worse than AVP. The dialogues, the plot, even the action are all ridiculously bad. I don't understand this. This combined franchise has all the ingredients for a great suspenseful thriller/action/horror flick; yet frigging Fox keeps failing to deliver it.

I read a review that said AVPR is decent when no one is talking. I don't agree with that because I think it's a bad movie overall, but the badness is amplified whenever a line is muttered. The screenplay has some of the laziest lines I've ever heard in a movie; it's so bad that it's funny. A lot of lines are awkwardly delivered because they are unexpected and feel out of place--the "government doesn't lie" line anyone? They even ruined Arnold's famous "Get to the chopper!" line. Abysmal.

I don't want to go into the plot because it is full of holes; an hospital helicopter with a light that says "rocket sight" is one example. I'm going to dive right into the action. The Alien franchise did not succeed because of chestburstings and facehuggings. It succeeded because of the setup that led to these scenes. AVPR just uses these scenes over and over. In fact I would argue that this is exactly what this film is about: a bunch of show-off scenes barely linked together by terrible dialogue. The predator action scenes did not fare much better. There was one scene that had incredible promise; when I saw it I was like, "Shit this laser net thing is going to be awesome!" But nope the scene sucked. It waste probably five minutes of setup for a resolution that was underdeveloped and extremely unsatisfying. The rest of the action scenes are all dark so you can't see anything, unimaginative, without suspense, without coolness, and makes the predator look like a pussy. The plasmacaster is supposed to own. Period. Actually I would've loved to see some human army verses alien action and was surprised that I didn't get any. I hope it was due to budget constraint and not some bonehead writer that thought such scene would not be cool.

I think the ideal AVP movie is a movie with just predators and aliens; no more red-shirt humans who just gets in the way. The the next step will take a great screenwriter and soundtrack but get rid of dialogues; I don't even want captions when the predators speak because doing so would defile the franchise. This setup should add depth to the film and revive the suspense and thrill of the originals. I hate how Fox reduced the two franchises to a teen horror flick. And please let there be a winner this time. I know they don't want to piss fans of either franchise off but enough is enough: predators are supposed to slaughter aliens.